so things have been not so great around here with the announcement of the pregnancy I havent even wanted to blog about it, to give you an idea here is a series of emails exchanged between myself and my "stepsister" I use that term loosly because we did not grow up together and I see her once a year but she is very opinionated
One of my first emails to her when she asked why I didnt think family was going to respond well to our announcement
Well I've already received two negative responses, one from my sister and one from my mother
They both feel that we should make due with what we have an not try to afford to bring another child into this house when we already live paycheck to paycheck, which is true we do, but we both feel if we can clothe, feed, shelter and love another child that there is no reason not to have another one, it may add more strain to our budget but more love to our hearts at the same time.
It just feels right, whether the people around me find it crazy or not
It has not been a joyous time announcing this pregnancy thats for sure, and that is a sad thing
HER RESPONSE-
I'm just playing devils advocate here but...
Do you truly think that clothing, feeding, sheltering and loving a child is all it takes? What about keeping them warm in the winter? What about having them interact with other children in a camp or a nursery school etc... What happens when you can't afford to provide them these simple staples?
Because the kids are small now they probably don't have many needs/wants but what will happen as they get older and they want to do things that you can't afford?
I am sure that everyone will be happy about a little new baby....I'm just also sure that everyone wants to make sure it is a realistic decision, not a fairy tale one. You are not the only person your decision affects ....the girls/new baby will be the biggest receivers of the consequences/benefits of your decision.
But again, I'm sure you have though this all through. Like I said I am just playing devils advocate.
MY RESPONSE TO THAT-
Wow thats harsh, more than devils advocate I believe you are stating your point and your feelings and proving my point of why I have not had the best reaction to us having another child
Obviously there are extras that come with life and of course M and I are willing to make whatever sacrifices to ensure that our children are happy well rounded adjusted children
We arent talking about raising our kids on welfare checks and goverment cheese, my husband was raised that way and many times went to bed hungry that is nothing he would ever put his children through and nothing we would ever consider when it comes to having another child
We are in the field of well made clothes not Abercrombie and Fitch and clothes
Learning that Christmas is about family and love and not how many presents you have under the tree
That a vacation to Disney World is a big event not something that happens yearly and loses it magic when it becomes a given
Being involved in one sporting event or one extracaricular activity not five
I'm offended by the fact that people who make a larger dollar amount than others feel that if you dont make more than $100k a year you shouldn't have children or more than one.
A child in private school is a better child than one in public school?
If I couldnt afford heat and preschool and mortage payments obviously I would not be considering another child knowing the cost involved in the beginning and 15 years down the line
There is a reason for everything and everything has a reason
And everyone has an opinion
HER FINAL RESPONSE-
you are offering the most extreme examples to support your opinion.
If you are happy with having another baby than that is your business. And if you feel that you are able to support another child than I'm sure you can. But I can see where people have concern for you and M in deciding to take on the challenge of adding another child to your family... and that is all i was trying to express.
So I was more than a little pissed off by this and my hormones dont help the matter any!
so in addition to her crap my mother was pretty neutral about the news she knew it was coming and is now upset that I dont have money to put the girls in dance class because I need the money for dr visits! oh well people oh well!
One of my first emails to her when she asked why I didnt think family was going to respond well to our announcement
Well I've already received two negative responses, one from my sister and one from my mother
They both feel that we should make due with what we have an not try to afford to bring another child into this house when we already live paycheck to paycheck, which is true we do, but we both feel if we can clothe, feed, shelter and love another child that there is no reason not to have another one, it may add more strain to our budget but more love to our hearts at the same time.
It just feels right, whether the people around me find it crazy or not
It has not been a joyous time announcing this pregnancy thats for sure, and that is a sad thing
HER RESPONSE-
I'm just playing devils advocate here but...
Do you truly think that clothing, feeding, sheltering and loving a child is all it takes? What about keeping them warm in the winter? What about having them interact with other children in a camp or a nursery school etc... What happens when you can't afford to provide them these simple staples?
Because the kids are small now they probably don't have many needs/wants but what will happen as they get older and they want to do things that you can't afford?
I am sure that everyone will be happy about a little new baby....I'm just also sure that everyone wants to make sure it is a realistic decision, not a fairy tale one. You are not the only person your decision affects ....the girls/new baby will be the biggest receivers of the consequences/benefits of your decision.
But again, I'm sure you have though this all through. Like I said I am just playing devils advocate.
MY RESPONSE TO THAT-
Wow thats harsh, more than devils advocate I believe you are stating your point and your feelings and proving my point of why I have not had the best reaction to us having another child
Obviously there are extras that come with life and of course M and I are willing to make whatever sacrifices to ensure that our children are happy well rounded adjusted children
We arent talking about raising our kids on welfare checks and goverment cheese, my husband was raised that way and many times went to bed hungry that is nothing he would ever put his children through and nothing we would ever consider when it comes to having another child
We are in the field of well made clothes not Abercrombie and Fitch and clothes
Learning that Christmas is about family and love and not how many presents you have under the tree
That a vacation to Disney World is a big event not something that happens yearly and loses it magic when it becomes a given
Being involved in one sporting event or one extracaricular activity not five
I'm offended by the fact that people who make a larger dollar amount than others feel that if you dont make more than $100k a year you shouldn't have children or more than one.
A child in private school is a better child than one in public school?
If I couldnt afford heat and preschool and mortage payments obviously I would not be considering another child knowing the cost involved in the beginning and 15 years down the line
There is a reason for everything and everything has a reason
And everyone has an opinion
HER FINAL RESPONSE-
you are offering the most extreme examples to support your opinion.
If you are happy with having another baby than that is your business. And if you feel that you are able to support another child than I'm sure you can. But I can see where people have concern for you and M in deciding to take on the challenge of adding another child to your family... and that is all i was trying to express.
So I was more than a little pissed off by this and my hormones dont help the matter any!
so in addition to her crap my mother was pretty neutral about the news she knew it was coming and is now upset that I dont have money to put the girls in dance class because I need the money for dr visits! oh well people oh well!
posted by Susan | 10:09 AM
5 Comments:
Kids don't need all that stuff to turn out normal. You will do what you can afford and in the meantime provide a nice homebased life for your children. The world is crazy with all these activities and they aren't all necessary. She was so rude to you, I don't know why she would say those things except that she actually wanted to make you cry. She sounds like a real sadistic bitch.
Did you ever go for a sono to find out if it's multiples? (The reason I ask is because I wasn't TTC and I have a weird feeling that it's twins also.)
Well, did at least your coworkers respond positively to your news?
Since when is nursery school a staple of a happy childhood? Are we so removed from our children, as a society, that we think we need to spend a lot of money instead of time with them? I think your relatives have voiced their opinions (rather harshly) and now they need to drop it and move on to trying to run someone elses's life!
Yes I agree with Erin b/c most of us didn't go to preschool and we turned out fine. Yes, it's different now but if you have playdates for your kids, spend time with them and do activities that don't necessarily cost a lot of money--there is nothing wrong with that!
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