they are so friggin cute!

ok so S & E are happily playing with their blocks together, of course the "happily" part tends to not last long
I read something the other day that said siblings between the ages of 2-4 have altercations every 10 minutes, well usually in my house its every 5-10 minutes
and here we are debating a third baby???

so two months ago we did a "lets try and see" cycle, we didnt use protection around when I would be fertile and nothing happened, well with the girls we got pregnant on the first try, hold on girls fighting, ok they are mad at me now not eachother
anyway so when that month didnt have us pregnant we talked again like we do each month near my fertile time about having the third baby so last month we specifically tried to get pregnant doing the nasty all over my waiting to ovulate time and we thought for sure we were pregnant that we had caught the eggie we were going to have another baby, then after a horrible horrible horrible two week wait my wonderful period shows up and I am blindsided and not sure how I feel
releaved
unhappy
confused
stressed
tired
weary
there is so much that goes along with this third baby thing
Finances- we live somewhat tight now, a third would put us living close to penny to penny as opposed to paycheck to paycheck

Space- we have a three bedroom house, M and I's room, stepdaughter V's room, and S & E share a room, we would have to refinish our basement and make a room for V down there to open up a room for a baby, my father said he'd help us with the basement but it would still have some expense involved

Working- right now my mother watches S & E two short days a week she told us she will absolutley not watch 3 children because she is opposed to us having a third
without her help I dont know how we would handle that situation, I have to have my part time income

Cars- not enough room in the cars we still have 2 yrs left to pay on for another child

Expense- the birth, the pregnancy all that costs money extra money we dont have

Preschool- we dont have money to pay to send S to preschool right now how am I supposed to "find" money for that AND have another baby with formula and diapers etc

Stress- we are pretty happy now, have a good system going and good quality of life, how will a third baby with all the added expenses stress and newborn stress put a strain on our happy marriage???

Support- we have no support from anyone on this decision, all family members are against it all because of financial reasons

I've made a pro's con's list and my con's are twice as long, but my pros list boils down to this
**We dont feel like our family is complete, it feels like there is someONE missing in our family***
Something that weighs heavy on my heart is E was a twin and we lost the twin at 10weeks so at one time I HAD three children, but did fate take that away from me because I'm not supposed to have three???? I have a headache now